You Are Yourself

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You Are Yourself

“Just be yourself.”, Says the world. 

OK… Which me am I supposed to be? The dramatic one? The sleepy one? The weepy part of me? Or the one that just wants to crawl in a hole and never come out again, me? 

What about the goofy and silly one? The part of me that uses different accents to explain a funny event.

Or the one that uses jokes to deflect from something that’s too serious but eventually talks about the hard issue. 

What about the scared part of me? The part that feels like I can’t do anything right and if I could what’s the point?

What about the moody one or the one at wants to serve justice to every wrong? What about the angry one that sees the world crumbling when she gets on social media or the news and/or watches somebody do horrible things to somebody else? What about the defeated part of me or the part that has been betrayed?

What about the triggered part? The part that remembers all of the abuse viscerally in my body and can see the pictures in my mind as clear as the sun shining in the sky. 

The dreamer who creates tons of ideas in my head? The artist part that loves to paint or craft or decorate the house? 

Who is me? 

Who am I truly when all the parts represent a fraction of me. 

How do you ask someone to just be themselves

Especially when we are all in the middle still discovering who we are.

Don’t limit yourself to a “just” picture that the world tries to mold you into. 

YOU ARE YOURSELF!

Every part of you is unlimited! Powerful! And most importantly… Who you are created to be!

The wrestler. The weary. The wide-eyed. The wishy-washy. The wanderer. The wounded. The weak. The wise. 

Who I am & who I will be is the warrior. 

Each warrior combats every one of the mentions above. Don’t allow a “just be you” to ruin the vastness of your potential even in the midst of questions. 

Be you.

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So I'll Dance

I danced yesterday.

One of my daughters had come over and hung out with us for a few hours. We listened to the Greatest Showman soundtrack while we all made lunch and then my daughter RyRy and I worked on ballet positions, high kicks and had fun with balance and movement!

It made my heart stir, ache and long for movement again.

Ry left for school, my husband, Bob, left for an appointment and I was left alone.

I turned on the music and danced.

Moved.

Played.

Sang.

Wore myself out!

Oh my goodness I LOVE dancing!

I used to dance to please others in a setting that stole my soul. I would hand my heart over to men who did not deserve it and it twisted the meaning of dance, of movement, of expression, of joy.

But now there is no shame to my movement. There is no shame to the graceful bends, a pointed toe to direct a move and the long reach of a hand to a faraway dream.

Today...I will dance again.

Why?

Why?

I just came across my biological fathers guitar slide while organizing my art room. 

I hold the slide in my left hand and let the weight of it settle into emotions. I sat still for a moment and let them flow through me. The thoughts began to well up matching the very emotions that pulse through my veins…

1. I remember him being an incredible musician. He filled our house with the sound of his guitar which in turn gave me a deep love of music. I always longed to have my home filled with the sweet breathless notes again.

I find it beautiful that my prayer is answered with a husband who fills the house with his musical talents & passion. 

I smile. 

2. Why in the world did I keep this? He left me and my mom and never looked back. Not only that, he harmed both my mom and I at horrific levels. So why in the world would I keep something of his? 

The only thing I can understand as I hold this slide and feel the cold metal on my skin and the weight of it is that he wasn’t always bad. He taught me my A,B,C’s with the guitar. I knew almost every Beatles song by the time I was 7 years and again, It gave me a heart for music.

I think I keep it to remind me that even in the heartache and pain there are still glimpses of beautiful. 

I settle. 

3. I remember where this slide used to be stored. He had a little wooden box that looked like a treasure chest. I would open it when I was little and see the slide, a few guitar picks, a bag of weed, rolling papers and a lighter. I remember the earthy smell every time I would look in the wooden box. It was normal to me.

I wonder more what became my normal. 

4. My bio-dad died last month. I hate to admit this but I didn’t grieve. I wasn’t sad. It’s not like I was happy he was gone. I know he has a family, wife and children that loved him and hopefully people he hasn’t hurt. 

Yet holding this guitar slide I felt a ping of grief. I had no desire to connect with him even after my Aunt, his sister, called to tell me he was dying. I do not feel guilty for not connecting with him but I’m sad he died without trying to be a father to me. 

It’s complicated.

So I hold this slide with a mix of emotions yet the strongest one I feel is God’s presence. I feel Him sitting beside me with His arm around me speaking words of love, hope and reminding me I am whole. 

I am grateful for the love of music. I am grateful my home is filled with beautiful melodies and songs of my past. 

I am grateful I kept the slide to remind me that my past still has beautiful glimpses of lovely.

I am grateful.

Play In The Rain

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Play In The Rain

Tonight I rode my bike to the grocery store.

I carried the cute wicker basket in to go get a couple of things.

I noticed the clouds building in the South but went into the store anyway.

I came out with my things, put the basket back on my bike and undid the lock.

The clouds were above my head and weighted heavy with water.

I mounted my seafoam green cruiser and it began to sprinkle.

As I continued down the path the clouds opened up and a beautiful heavy summer rain poured on me all the way home.

I started to cry tears that matched the droplets of rain.

In the rain your tears are hidden.

I wasn't crying because it was raining on me like a bad luck thing.

I was crying because I felt Gods love pouring on me!

The rain was cool & refreshing!

I hadn't played in the rain in years!

And tonight I was surprised with His love pouring down on me and I got to delight in the rain!

In the next couple of days we are supposed to get rain.

I suggest you go play in it.

Dance

Sing

Laugh

Cry

Jump in the puddles

Play in the rain.

 

I wrote this June 16, 2014. Close to the same evening that I received news that changed the course of my life. God's goodness never wavered and He still pours His love on me and I still play in the rain! 

Always play in the rain!  

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Combat

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Combat

I am combat boots.

I am made to war and protect the being that is wearing me.

I am made to stomp, crush and kick anything in my way.

I am powerful and intimidating.

I’ve been around.

I’ve probably seen more hell than many will ever see in their lifetime.

I’ve walked a thousand miles in the pit of despair but I continued on with my purpose and expectations.

I am worn and partially broken but still wearable.

She bought me a few years ago specifically for a purpose. And as she laced me up she told me it was just to wait tables because she was never going to strip again. Anyway, I wasn’t made for the stage. I was made to combat the floor.

I am tall and black and made of strong leather. The laces wind up in front of me to hold me together when I feel like falling apart.

The woman who wears me is beautiful. And there are times I just want to cry over the things vulgar lustful men would speak over her. She would laugh and play along but I could tell when her toes would curl inside of me she was hurting on the inside so deeply she couldn’t breathe.

I’ve been spat on, spilled on, stepped on and kicked. I’ve been thrown and tossed around like no one cares. I’ve been locked in the dark where even if I were able to scream no one could hear me and if they could they wouldn’t care.

I may have a tongue but I am silenced.

I may be strong but I am only as strong as the one who wears me.

Yet I was created to step into combat.

I was created with a purpose of protecting and warring.

She knew this but the enemy had twisted the truth in her so much that she was fighting a battle she thought she could never win.

I tried to protect her from getting stepped on.

I wanted her to know she was worth fighting for.

There was this day she put me away in her closet and shut the door.

I waited for her.

I waited to be pulled down from the shelf for yet another night of walking the floor and trying my best to protect her.

But I was not pulled out.

I sat in the dark.

Each time she opened the closet door there was a part of me that longed to get picked and be worn again even if it was back to the pit of hell. I just wanted to be seen and loved again.

But each time she opened the door I saw something different on her face. She was softer and had this glow about her that I couldn’t explain.

Where she had been numb before there was hope.

Where her eyes had looked dead I saw life.

I would hear her sing a new song as she got ready in the mornings and the songs were beautiful!

Something had changed in her and she was even more stunning than before.

One day she opened the door to her closet and she lifted me up in her hands.

She sat down on her bed and I could feel the struggle in her heart of the memories that I brought to her mind.

She grieved and slow hot tears ran down her face and dripped onto my shiny black surface.

I could tell she was struggling but I wasn’t sure with what.

She set me down on the ground and slid, first her left foot into me then her right foot.

My heart dropped. I didn’t want to go back to that place. I didn’t want her to have to do this again.

She stood up and walked to the full-length mirror and stared at me. I saw the flood of memories run across her face but then something happened I had never witnessed before with her.

A beautiful free smile spread across her face.

She spoke down and directly to me, “You, my friends, are getting a new purpose.”

Her toes curled inside of me but this time it felt different! This time it was with a new found excitement that they curled.

The tears continued down her face but they were those of happiness and restoration.

She stood there and starred and said, “I have a friend who battled and warred like we did together.”

She paused and brushed a tear away with her fingers.

“She was a stripper too and now, like me, she is free.”

She smiled the most beautiful smile as she continued to talk to me.

“We were having lunch one day and she mentioned how she speaks to all kinds of groups and that one of the topics she speaks on she would love to have a pair of combat boots.”

Her toes wiggled inside of me and I got so excited about what I thought she was about to tell me!

“I mentioned that I had a pair that I used to wear in the clubs and asked her what size she wears. You are her size.” She smiled at me.

She contemplated speaking the next part but spoke slowly, “We talked about this several months ago and I’ve been afraid to give you up because I might want to wear you again.”

My heart sank. She knew as much as I did she would never wear me again. She will never walk back into those clubs that nearly took her life. At least that’s what I wanted to believe.

She reached down to untie me and pulled me off slowly one by one. I waited to be set back into the dark closet again but instead she walked me to her car and we drove away in silence.

I am combat boots.

I am made to war and protect the being that is wearing me.

I am made to stomp, crush and kick anything in my way.

I am powerful and intimidating.

Today, I no longer war in a strip club that almost took our lives. We were rescued out of the battlefield and the amazing woman who wore me in the clubs is restored, strong and a warrior!

Today, I get to war on stage showing women and men they are powerful fighters in Christ’s name!

Today, I am worn to remind men and women that our battles are worth fighting and standing for!

We are all warriors.

 

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Priceless

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Priceless

She is priceless but not a commodity.

She is valuable but not for sale.

The price you pay her for her body to please your desires and lusts does not disqualify her from the knowledge of who she is. The drugs she takes to numb her body from feeling does not kill her heart or her soul. The alcohol she drinks to forget does not mean she is less than the woman who has a safe life.

She is priceless.

She is valuable.

She is a daughter.

She is alone. Her soul hollowed out by the cruelty of man to satisfy his thirsty empty soul.

Taken so young by the ones who were supposed to care for her.

Purity robbed.

Her dreams twisted into someone else’s wants and desires.

Pretty little girl. Innocent. Wide eyed and curious. Clouded by pain and fear that froze her heart. She stops seeing the colors. She stops feeling or even knowing what a safe touch is.

She’s gone.

Checked out.

Numb.

Yet in the depths of her heart there is a memory of hope.

She cries out in a mad longing that almost crushes her heart under the weight of her fear and sadness.

She knows.

But how does she know?

She’s been told over and over again that she’s worthless. But knows there’s a price on her body.

She’s been told she’s good for nothing but knows there is a goodness in her.

She’s been told that without “them” she’d never survive. But she knows without her, they would die.

She screams inside. What if the things she knows is a lie. Her life is a lie.

A beautiful girl stolen from hope, from freedom, from life.

Hope.

She hears a Voice in her head and wonders if she’s gone mad.

“You are priceless but not a commodity.

You are valuable but not for sale.”

The Voice is warm and soothing, foreign yet recognizable.

Curled on the cold floor she lifts her heavy head to hear the Voice better. To see if someone is in the room. The presence of this Voice is like nothing she’s heard before yet she knows it.

“You are priceless.

You are valuable.

You are protected.”

She weeps.

Stolen.

Lost.

Afraid.

Hopeless.

“Protected?” She screams!

The Voice whispers, “Have hope.”

She collapses on the floor and laughs.

“Hope.” she says mockingly.

She hoped to be a veterinary as a little girl or a beautiful graceful ballerina.

She snorted, “All I do now is preform for the hungry. Give myself to the selfish.” She weeps, “I didn’t want this.”

The door creaks open to her room and she jumps up in fear and surprise. It’s the man that stole her coming to set her straight for screaming out again. Coming to get his needs met, dress her and take her to work to meet others needs.

The door shuts and she weeps.

“Hope?” She says under her breath and shuts her heart down again to survive what is coming.

She is priceless but not a commodity.

She is valuable but not for sale.

~ ~ ~  

You want a happy ending to this story?

Stop buying sex.

Men AND women it’s time to open our eyes to the world around us. SEX is EVERYWHERE! You pay for it everyday and you probably don’t even realize it. Magazines. Clothes. Beauty products. Car adds. TV shows. Commercials. Sports. Videos. Music. Restaurants. This list is salted with flavors of porn to drive a hunger that needs to be fed more and more to satisfy our emptiness.

We’ve become so numb to the sex shoved in our faces that we promote the very girls we want to help.

Become aware.

The choices you make everyday dictate the life of someone else. YES! You are that powerful! Good or bad.

Ask God to make your mind, eyes and heart so sensitive to everything the enemy is trying to fool you into thinking,“What’s the big deal it’s just a bra. It's just an ad. It's just a TV show. It doesn’t hurt anyone.”

A little girl exploited is a big deal.

You are priceless and not a commodity.

You are valuable and not for sale.

You are worth knowing the truth.

Everyone wants a happy ending to this story. Everyone wants to read she gets rescued and finds freedom and that Hope.

Few ever do.

The millions of children, girls and women trapped in the sex industry without a hope of rescue pray for death. They pray for someone to truly see them and hear their screams and cries. And if they are rescued the scars are so deep it takes years of care, love and heart to have a glimpse of who and Whose they were created to be.

BUT GOD!!!

He hears His children’s cry. He hears their voices and knows their names. He knows the number of fragile hairs upon their precious heads.

He knows.

He IS hope.

You GIVE hope!

Your prayer.

Your awareness of what media and the world is feeding you.

Your desire to volunteer or help ministries and groups that rescue and restore these women’s lives.

YOU can CHANGE the world around you.

YOU can CHANGE the community you live in.

YOU can CHANGE a life.

And if everyone started to CHANGE then the waves become greater and the broken lives can truly believe in hope.

You are called to love powerfully! It’s in you!

Make a difference!

“For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the powers, against the world forces of this darkness, against the spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavenly places. Therefore, take up the full armor of God, so that you will be able to resist in the evil day, and having done everything, to stand firm.” Ephesians 6:12-13

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The Intersection

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The Intersection

At the intersection of busy and distracted people sit in rolling metal boxes pondering the busy day to come or the night that just ended.

Waiting for movement from the ever changing lights.

Red. Yellow. Green.

Stop.

Wait.

Go.

Where deadly accidents occur.

Lives lost and families changed forever.

Where a baby screams in the back seat and an exhausted parent screams along with them.

Stop.  

Wait. 

Go!

Where laughter is echoed by joyful tears or an unplanned smile cracks a sullen face.

Where favorite tunes come from radios and people sing at the top of their voices. Air drums and air guitars passionately bear witness to imagined stardom!

Where minds wander and people lost on "social" media wonder why they are so lonely.

At the intersection of irony and chaos lanes are divided with stunning beauty.

Hues of comfort blow playfully in the wind.

Stop.

Wait.

Go!

Don't miss the beauty!

IMG_1959.JPG

Intersection of Mid-Cities & Hwy 360 in TX

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Unbridled

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Unbridled

I watched her from the corner of my eye as she began to approach me. I could sense she wasn’t quite sure of herself but she kept walking toward me anyway. I heard her whisper under her breath, “Please don’t walk away from me. Please don’t walk away from me.” Surprising her, I turned to face her.

She startled a little bit so I tried to assure her with my eyes that I was safe. I know I am a very large horse and she was small, as most of the humans I encounter are. I could tell she wanted to touch me but still wasn’t sure how to. So I initiated and without taking another step toward her I reached out my neck and tickled her cheek with my soft wiskery nose.

Immediately she smiled and giggled nervously. I kept my nose close to her and took a small step closer as she did the same.

She reached her right hand up to touch my neck and could feel her shift from fear to a childlike desire to hug me. She leaned into my shoulder and I wrapped myself around her letting her know I was safe and not afraid of her.

I began to tell her all the things I sensed and saw, “You are beautiful and strong. You are worthy to be pursued. Your heartbeat up against me brings me peace in a sweet and joyful way. And I love you.”

She held onto me tighter and sobbed. I could feel her pull back a bit as she became self-aware of the other women watching. My heart saddened a bit as she stepped away and put her head down in what looked like unworthiness and shame.

She turned her back toward me to walk away but I was not finished telling her all the things I saw in her so I stepped forward and nudged her with my muzzle.  She startled a bit and I could feel and smell the fear come from her. So I lowered my head down to remind her once more that even in my size and large stature, I was safe and gentle. She turned around to fully face me, touched my jaw and I finished telling her with my eyes, “I am proud of you for risking your fear and trusting me.”

With tears in her eyes she rubbed behind my ear and I kinda melted! I breathed on her, which meant, “Thank you for loving me, brave one.”

She looked me in the eyes and smiled and spoke softly, “Thank you, Kairos, for loving me.”

.............................................

The last couple of weeks I could feel an excitement and anticipation from my keepers on the farm. We do several types of events here and my job is to help people encounter and hear God in new ways. I know this is what I was created to do.

My name is Kairos and I am told that it means “time”. And I know deep from the top of my ears to the bottom of my hoofs, I'm here for those to encounter God at this time!

One morning after me and all of the other horses had been fed and I was turned-out into the front field with my friend, Not, I watched all of the cars start to pull in and park along the front fence. It was from that moment I began watching all of these women begin an adventure I had been excited for since I became aware something was going to happen.

The women worshipped, laughed, talked, and in their quiet times I felt a deep sense of peace among them. I watched them put, what looked like colored water, onto white squares and make beautiful pictures!

My keepers even led me and Not to do this the same thing on a really large square one afternoon! When I got up there to do what I heard them call, “painting”, it was already so beautiful all I could do was breathe in it’s beauty. My friend, Not, did the same thing!

I got to meet each woman as they ventured out to meet us and have an encounter with God in a new way. This is my favorite part! This is where I get to see each woman as God created her. Sometimes they are scared, or too strong, or they stand off alone and heavy. Some are giddy and silly. Some are hardened and carry a deep sadness to them. But whatever they bring I long for them to walk away knowing who they are in a new way.

And that’s where this story began, I watched her from the corner of my eye as she began to approach me… and she became the very thing she hoped for, Unbridled.

***A perspective from an amazing horse, Kairos from a women's retreat I got to participate & teach in. Unbridled. For more information go to www.UnbridledWomensRetreat.com

 

 

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Grabbed

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Grabbed

Grabbed

***Warning: Strong language and content***

This past week I walked into the post office to drop off a package to ship. As I walked up to the door a man held it open for me. For a moment I was grateful until I walked past him and he leaned in close enough that I could feel the heat coming off of him on my neck and he whispered something vulgar toward my ear. I turned around shocked and saw he was looking me up and down. I shivered with disgust as I kept walking into the post office. I dropped my package into the container and watched to make sure he was gone before I left the post office for my car.

Us girls have to make sure we take precautions to not get harassed or raped.

This is nothing new to me.

I am 44 years old. I don’t dress provocatively. I don’t dress like I’m “asking for it”, whatever the hell that means. And I don’t flirt with men.

I have been felt up in elevators.

I’ve had white men hug me and reach around and tuck their hand under my breast to get a feel.

I’ve been raped.

I had a black man grab my ass, then proceed to ask me out. When I told him “NO” he called me a racist bitch.

I’ve been sexually abused as a child by men who hijacked my innocence. 

I’ve had Hispanic men cat-call toward me like it’s some kind of freaking compliment and get mad at me when I don’t respond.

I’ve been aggressively approached in grocery and convenience stores.

I’ve had well educated men of ALL races brush up against me, touch me inappropriately or speak perverted things to me in all kinds of settings.

I mention the race of the men not because it’s about race and culture but it’s about the sexually aggressive attitudes toward women that do not discriminate. It is not racist to stand up for yourself when someone has been inappropriate. It is not one race or culture yet it seems if you have a penis it gives men a license to be a sexual wild animal.

It doesn’t.

And there is nothing I can do about it. I can’t call the police or file a sexual harassment charge because I don’t know who these men are. They are just men walking by with no connection to me what so ever. 

And please don’t tell me to wear turtle-necks and long denim skirts because it is not my responsibility to control men’s behaviors.

Just last weekend I spoke to a couple of groups in Cleveland OH and I made a statement that there is an epidemic of porn, sex addictions, lust, narcissism, adultery and a constant moral failure amongst all races, sexes and religions. This epidemic isn’t those destructive expressions I just mentioned, the epidemic is the loss of the true identity of who we are created to be.

Both men AND women.

There has been an uproar of vulgar “locker-room” talk lately after tapes of Trump came out about him making lewd comments about grabbing women’s pussys. And Clinton’s husband was impeached because of sexual exposure and rape.

So now we somehow all get up in arms about it when this is nothing new to us women that live with the potential of men’s lack of sexual self-control.

There are thousands upon thousands of women who keep their mouths shut about being sexually harassed and or abused because if they speak nothing happens. They get silenced or shamed and told, “Boys will be boys”. Or “At least you get hit on because you’re pretty.” Or “If you didn’t wear such short skirts or low shirts maybe they wouldn’t say or do those things to you.”

So we stay silent keeping the shameful secrets to ourselves. Always looking over our shoulder in parking lots, elevators, hallways, grocery stores or when someone offers to open a door for you. Scared to say something because we feel unsafe after the constant barrage of harassment.

Men, please, rise up and began to know your true identity. Start seeing yourself through eyes of honor and respect, not pride and selfishness.

I would love to write out wise words of true masculinity and identity but why, when it has been wonderfully written in this blog by Good Women Projectin how some men see and call forth truth, identity and true masculinity.

Please take some time to read this!

www.goodwomenproject.com/from-the-men/who-we-really-are

I want to say thank you to all the men that have shown me and other women that not all men behave, react or think this way.

Guys, I believe in you. I believe that your heart truly wants to honor women and yourself. I believe that there are many of you out there that aren’t afraid of women and love and treat us as valued human beings.

And women, please don’t stay silent anymore. And stop making excuses for the men that harass you. You’re worth more than that. 

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Yes!

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Yes!

Today, on August 24th, 2010, 6 years ago, I said "Yes" to a God calling, to start a ministry that would change the course of my life & others forever!!!

I'm constantly reminded and amazed what a little three letter word has the power and capability to do in our lives!

Thank You, God, for the continuous opportunities to say "YES!" In so many ways!

And thank You for all of the amazing beautiful Cherished Butterflies You allowed me to meet & get to be a part of in their beautiful journey to truly know You.

Today's "Yes" anniversary is a bittersweet one.

Tears flowed with sadness, deep gratitude & joy. 

God...

You are faithful.

You are a protector.

You are a provider.

You are strength!!!

Here's to many more God calling "Yeses"!!!

What's your "Yes"?

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You Ok?

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You Ok?

You ok?

I haven't seen you or heard from you in a while.

I've heard some things about what's been going on from other people but wanted to ask you directly...

You ok?

I've heard some rumors. 

I've heard some sad things about what you're going through and how much they loved & were praying for you.

I've heard some others say some distorted  things about you & your circumstances, making it sound like they didn't really know or understand in the first place what was going on with you.

So I stopped them in their talking about you & wanted to reach out to you directly.

To check in...

To say, Hey. I love you. You don't have to defend, explain or tell me anything if you don't want to share. I just want you to know I will not listen to others about what they think has happened in your life. I know things may look one way but I know better than to believe what I see before I create thoughts and judgements around those.

I'm pretty sure we all know what it's like for people to think they know all about our circumstances & share it with others & the pain that it causes in us.

I can't imagine how hard it's been for you to walk through so many different changes & the deep pain you must feel.

Loss.

Heartache.

Lack of trust.

And the whole mass of emotions connected to circumstances.

Just remember my friend, you are seen. You are known. You are loved & I believe in you!

Oh. And one more thing, not everyone listens to & entertains rumors. There are some of us that set aside those things and pray and ask directly.

Please know I totally understand if you don't respond to me.

I know it may be hard to trust again but in time you will. God will bring wonderful caring, seeing, loving people around you to remind you of those things.

So I just wanted to reach out for a moment and say hi and that I love you.

Love,

Polly

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Silenced

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Silenced

Shhhhh. Do you hear it?

Pause for a moment. Take a deep breath, lean in  & listen closely.

Do you hear the tears falling?

Do you hear the hearts breaking?

Do you hear the confusion & the anger ringing out from all of humankind?

 

The fear?

 

It's deafening when you really listen.

Everyone yells,

"We can no longer stay silent"

But no one knows how to speak anymore.

Our words get caught in the throats of personal, political & religious agendas.

Our eyes only want to see what our minds have filtered through the ages.

And still. The silence is deafening.

Hate draws on fears to strengthen control & desires for someone else to fix our pains.

When it's been the "someone's" we keep looking to...

That end up causing the most pain.

 

Unity is silenced.

Morality is silenced.

Acceptance is given a distorted voice that opens doors to abuse & even more fear.

 

Our discernments are told to be convinced we are liars & haters and that the only way we can fix things is by people who seem to know better so that they can control us.

But things have not gotten better.

They've gotten worse.

 

Shhhhhh. Do you hear it?

Do you remember what that is?

It's mindfulness & self thought.

Its intelligence & prayer

It's Holy Spirit guiding you to think for yourselves & not be controlled by others.

 

It's love & not hate.

It's truth & not lies.

 

Rage feeds rage.

Hurt feeds anger.

 

And we are all pawns until we say

 

No more.

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Before The Monsters Appear

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Before The Monsters Appear

Oh my goodness it's hard to talk about hard things with people!  Right?! Especially people you love because you don't want to hurt their feelings or you're afraid they may get angry at you, say mean things and maybe even leave you. But I have found that if I don't say the hard things quickly they become monsters anyway!

It's those hard things, that when kept silent, start to creep into our hearts and minds. They make our minds run away with other monster thoughts and create High Avoidance Anxiety. (My new diagnosis)

So here are some thoughts for us people pleaser, co-dependent, talk avoiders out there including everyone in-between.

Things To Think Before You Say The Hard Things

1. It's ok to be angry & hurt. But say the hard things in a manner that honors them & you. Don't create a whole new monster!

2. Don't make the hard thing you have to say bigger than it really is. Stick to the point. In other words don't allow other "remember-that-one-time" monsters to join in the convo.

3. State your hard things with words like, "When this happens I feel....."

As opposed too, "What the "bleep" were you thinking!?!?"

Hear the difference? (Please tell me you hear the difference.)

4. If you've been the one to hurt someone by lying, saying things behind their back, not caring for their hearts well and on & on & on...(this might be hard) but GO TO THEM! Tell them what you did before they have to approach you! (Scary. I know. But you got this!) Don't let them carry your hard stuff because it's yours to own not theirs! 

5. Apologize. And mean it. Then listen to them. Seriously...this is the place you will normally want to run away screaming, but don't! Stay put! And truly listen! You can do it!!!

6. Here's the trickiest one... While you're listening...be very attentive to what they are saying. Look inside your own soul and try to feel what they are feeling. Then say back to them what you understand. This can make you very squirmy because you are opening up a level of vulnerability you may have never tapped into before. GOOD JOB! Your vulnerability tells them that they matter to you. 

7. Take responsibility. Own it. Put into words your choices and actions without even the tiniest hint that you might blame them for what you've done. 

8. What you do and the ways you speak after this matter. Words are just words. And words without follow through  create disappointment. 

I'm pretty sure if you start doing these 8 things you are now a RECOVERING people pleaser, co-dependent, talk avoider and everyone in-between.

Monsters are much harder to tame once they're out of their cages. Catch em' when they're small. Lock them up. And don't feed them! 

 By: Polly Wright

Help everyone get rid of the monsters by sharing!!!

Thanks!!!! 

Thoughts? Comments? Email me: Polly@PollyWright.com

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Let's Cherish Together!

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Let's Cherish Together!

Cherished Revised is making a huge impact on the lives of 100's of women in the US who are going through the study whether in a group or on their own!!!

"Because you said yes and shared your story I have been set free from a prison I never knew I was in since I was a little girl. May I too follow your lead God. Bless you Polly Wright. I love you!" Melonie L.

***Did you know 3 of 5 women have been sexually abused some time in their lifetime?***

As the body of Christ we are called to help give a voice to those who have been silenced & give them a loving & caring place for them to heal!

We GET to do this!!! 

I would love to have the opportunity to come and help you launch your next church or ministry wide woman's study!

I realize this can be a scary topic to bring up & I would be there to help you & your ministry have the tools to offer this to your women!

How I'd LOVE to help you

*I will personally train & pray with you & your leaders to help them know how to facilitate through the difficult topic of sexual abuse, strongholds & fears.

*Come & speak to all of your women or church to help launch your study!

*Provide support through the Cherished Journey Community FB group

*Special pricing on Cherished Revised books

I would love to answer any questions or concerns you might have & see if we can partner together to bring healing, hope & God's extravagant love to His daughters!

I would be grateful if you could share this information too!

Together we can help show Christ's love to His precious daughters! 

Please email me: Polly@PollyWright.com - I would love to send you a copy of my book with more information to your ministry or church or small group!

Website: www.PollyWright.com

or getting booking info at: www.PollyWright.com/booking

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Not Just Any Tuesday

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Not Just Any Tuesday

Tomorrow is Tuesday, April 12th, 2016. Maybe you are reading this and that day has come and gone like they all do. What’s another Tuesday in the grand scheme of things anyway.

Tuesday for me is not just another Tuesday.

Tomorrow will be a day in which I will celebrate something that didn’t get celebrated the first time when it happened 3 years ago.

Tomorrow will be an emotionally corrective redemptive day!

Tomorrow I will launch my newly revised book, Cherished: Shattered Innocence. Restored Hope.

Three years ago when I “birthed” the first edition it was extremely emotional and weighty. My story was out there for all to read and now I didn’t have control over who read it. February 6th, 2013, 2500 copies of Cherished were delivered to the garage.

OH! MY! GOODNESS!!!

I can’t believe God actually called me to write this book! To share parts of my story that most people would not even share with their closest friends. Yet it was very clear that He had called me to no longer be silent and be a voice for those struggling until they found their own voices.

I was ecstatic! Scared to death! Excited! Worried! And bunches of other emotions that would just take up too many spaces in this blog. I’m sure you get the picture.

There were many wonderful people who were excited for me though.  So it wasn’t like it went unnoticed. I ended up selling almost 2000 copies of this book over time.

Yet, I never had a book launch.

I was going to. But you know, life happens. Expectations become excuses and then you find yourself saying it’s really no big deal. Right?

Some people told me it was a big deal though. And when they would say that to me I would choke up and cry silent tears. I guess it’s like someone having a baby and no one throws a baby shower to celebrate the birth. I wanted to launch it. I wanted to celebrate it. I wanted to get it into every hand possible so each person could maybe find a glimpse of themselves through my story whether we walked the same path or not. That they would see how God deeply, madly loves them and sees them in any situation. And for everyone to know personally that they are Cherished!

Tuesday.

God always keeps writing our stories. These last three years have been some of the most difficult years I have walked through. I have watched the people I love leave, shut down, get sick, betray, move on, struggle, cry and push away. I have laughed, cried ugly tears, feared, worried, gave up and wanted to call it quits. For good.

And then there’s the parts where God loves through His people who lifted me up, encouraged, wouldn’t let me give up, give in, or quit. And it’s through all of those amazing human Angels that got this revised book completed!

And these amazing people and church rallied and said, “Wanna launch your book and speak on Tuesday April12th, 2016?” And I said “YES!” While everything inside of me was screaming “NOOOOO!!! Don’t do it again! It’s only going to cause more pain and hurt just like last time.”

That is a lie!

And even if I do get hurt like I’ve been hurt before or in new ways that I don’t even want to think about…I will know that God will get me through. Because that is WHO HE IS! Always! 

Tuesday!!!!

OH MY GOSH!!!

This TUESDAY we are going to celebrate in a MASSIVE FUN way!!! There will be worship & yummy treats! I'm honored to get to speak and share what God has been putting on my heart & Cherished books will be for sale with a special book launch price!!! ONE NIGHT ONLY!!!

This night will be redemptive! This night, no matter what happens in the future, we will celebrate the launch of Cherished!  

Because of the people at Cross Timbers Church, Simplicity Women's Ministry and all the amazing people God has strategically placed in my life…I am going to get to celebrate with each of you the true definition of story.

Your story. My story.

HIS STORY!

 Click photo for details!!!

Click photo for details!!!

Tuesday at Cross Timbers, whether you attend there or not, you will have the opportunity to sign-up for a small group to walk through Cherished! 

Cherished Revised is all about a journey through story to discover your own. After each chapter will be journal prompts and by the time you have finished the book you will have written the foundations of your own Cherished Story.

If you cannot sign-up for a study at Cross Timbers you can lead or create your own! Included is a leaders guide and Cherished Conversations in the back to use as the questions you ask your small group!

Let's CELEBRATE God's goodness!!!!

 

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His Love Abounds

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His Love Abounds

Happy New Year Cherished Friends!!

 

The favor of the Lord reaches deep, far and wide. In all our struggles, temptations, failures, successes & dreams gained/lost...His Spirit longs to fill us with more of His presence.

 

His mercies are new

His grace abounds

His hope penetrates

His love consumes

His joy fills our souls

His love reaches into places that pulls us in or separates us

Yet His allowance for our choices will always refine us

 

A new year helps us reflect, celebrate, cry, hope and recognize His miracles all around us.

 

May He overwhelm you with His captivating peace today and all the days to come.

I pray He settles your fears while you journey through refining.

May fear never overtake you

 

And most importantly

You are not too much for Him.

Give Him all you got!

He never disappoints

 

Happy New Year!

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I Made It! (Mostly)

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I Made It! (Mostly)

I was going to write a blog

'Bout how I can't wait for a new year

I was going to talk about hard things

But got trapped in some fear.

 

Instead I looked for a photo

To show how I mostly survived

Still mending broken bones & heart

But dang it! I'm alive!

 

I'm looking forward to 2016

But not blind to think all's new

Just mindful of a perception of starting over

And God's projecting a new view

 

A view of new beginnings

Marked by a brand new year

Some bones my still be broken

But I am stepping out of fear!

 

Happy New Year Cherished Ones!

Love Extravagantly,

Polly

PollyWright.com

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Drama

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Drama

Drama has no boundaries because it’s not about the life-style…it’s about people, their hurts, fears, desires to control or just a desire to be needed. 

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Lights On!

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Lights On!

 Lights Out

First the lights just flickered a bit. You know, where you hold your breath in anticipation and wait to see what happens. Then BOOM, a few seconds later all the lights went out, and stayed out.

It was 11:30pm and I still wasn’t asleep. I grabbed my phone and turned on its flashlight then cautiously walkedinto the living room. My daughters were not home so the quiet was deafening. I grabbed a lighter and lit a few candles to have some light that was not the blindingflashlight from my phone.

I peeked through the blinds and looked to see that the whole apartment complex was dark. Come to find out it was a huge outage that left 1027 people without powerbecause of equipment failure.

I looked at my phone to see the battery life low and decidedto head to my car to charge it bit just in case I needed it for an emergency. I grabbed my dog, Cowboy, clipped on his leash and headed to my car. Once settled in with phonechargingmy curiosity started to rise. So I put my car in drive and drove around to scope out who else had lost power. I stayed on the back streets due to all of the traffic lights being out because a car accident wouldso not be cool.

Every house and apartment complex werepitch dark.

With my curiosity satisfied I headed back to my parking spot to sit just a bit longer to get a little more charge before going back in to try to sleep.

I saw a flicker from a lighter across the way on someone’s balcony and watched a person light a cigarette. My mind quickly remembered the candles that were in my house still lit. (I know I shouldn’t have left them lit but in my defense they are in protective hurricanes and I NEVER leave them lit when I leave my house.) 

FLASHBACK A WEEK AGO

I have been wrestling for as long as I can remember with a voice that tells me I’m not good enough. I’m the bad guy. I will never be strong enough to care for myself. I’m a quitter. I’m too much. I’m not enough. It tells me I’m not worth fighting for no matter what I do. I can’t complete anything. I’m not chosen.

This voice has and is almost always present speaking words over me that I want to believe are lies but when coupled with anxiety and worry even with my true constraints those words penetrate deeper into my heart and my beliefs. I doubt my worth and myself.

This past week several events took place and the voice became stronger and clearer. Almost swallowing me to have me believe that what God has called me too do wasn’treally His calling for me and I needed to step away.

It was crushing me.

It was darkness.

These past several weeks I’ve been seeking and asking God many questions about who He created me to be. What hasHe truly created me to do? And is that voice someone else’s voice or me?

I kept hearing that it was I. It was I telling me all those horrible drowning lies.

And I asked God to take them away. To remove the voices that silences the truth. And He said I had to hand over the lies to Him. So I did, after hanging tightly to them for many moments, afraid. I handed Him shame, fear, despair, unworthiness and all the others that were consuming me. Each one that I handed Him burned up before me in His presence!

In its place He filled me with His spirit like I had never seen before! It was beautiful, bright and magnificent! I was quite surprised by this so I asked Him, “Lord, I have been saved and thought I received Your Spirit.”He said,“You have but Iam strengthening you more with My love!”

He has shown me so much from my past and present and how He’s protected me in ways I couldn’t see until I asked Him. Yet I was still very frustrated at the voice that was tearing me down that we had commanded to leave in Hisname. And I was allowing it to still tell me those things. I was confused at how I thought I was doing better and was stunned at how a few events made it feel like I was being tackled.

LIGHTS OUT

The spark from the cigarette lighter got me thinking about how many people had lit candles to give them light in the darkness. I began to worry about people falling asleep with lit candles and open flames and thought, I need to pray for protection.

So I started to pray…

Out loud.

“God, please protect all the people….”

LIGHTS ON

LIGHTS! The lights started popping on all over the complex! The electricity was back on!

I sat there in my running car with my mouth hanging open.

What just happened God?

He said, “You were praying for protection in the darkness so I turned the lights on.”

I laughed out loud with joy!

I FELT it! I SAW it!!!

I felt hope! I watched the power of God through prayer come alive!

I was in the dark grasping for light in the dark places and in a moment He reminded me that I am in His powerful light! That no weapon formed against me will prosper! And thevoice that had been pounding me with self-doubt is terrified of what God has put in me and wants to silence me. It almost succeeded. BUT GOD!!!

God said, “Let go of my girl! She’s mine! My daughter! My princess! My warrior! She has hope! She has faith! She has My Spirit in her that is strong and loves extravagantly!”

I woke up this morning with hope. I woke up not hearing the voice of doubt but the voice of Him calling me forth to Him!

I am not a slave to shame, fear and unworthiness.

I am free in Him and full of His loving powerful spirit!

YOU ARE TOO!!!

You are His!

You are His warriors!

He is there fighting for you!

I still had to choose to let go of the fears and crippling unworthiness. I had to hand it over to Him for me to receive more of Him. I had to step out in faith and trust Him. I had to ask Him questions and seek His answers.

I GET to be His daughter and warrior.

Beloved, He’s got you. You are worth fighting for. He will never leave or forsake you.

And even if you pray from what feels like darkness, His Light is there to be turned on brighter than you’ve ever seen before.

Pray out loud!

*Blog written June 22nd 2015  

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