Gratitude grasped through grieving pulls deep from the core of my heart.

It's been difficult to get out of the pain this time. It has come in different waves and several of them have knocked me over.

Like most people I portray this strong vulnerable happy woman, on social media. I portray her because I want everyone to know anyone can make it. Except how can I be a voice to the "You got this!" crowd if no one knows..."Dang it! I don't got this!"

The fear is massive.

The heartbroken pain is nothing I've ever experienced. 

The betrayal.

The questions.

The choices (mine & others).

The loss.

Are all waves that surround and swarm me.

Then gratitude peeks through the frothy waves and for a moment Gods voice is clear.

He sings to me.

He holds me.

He calls to me, "Daughter...I won't let you drown. I want you to grieve. I need you to mourn the losses. I desire for every part of your heart to ache...and in that ache...long for Me, cherished one."

Grief is a temporary emotion to the grace He offers us.

I will choose to be grateful for the... what was, the what is and what is to come.

His extravagant love.

"After you have suffered for little while, the God of all grace, who called you to His eternal glory in Christ, will Himself perfect, confirm, strengthen and establish you."

1 Peter 5:10

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