I watched her from the corner of my eye as she began to approach me. I could sense she wasn’t quite sure of herself but she kept walking toward me anyway. I heard her whisper under her breath, “Please don’t walk away from me. Please don’t walk away from me.” Surprising her, I turned to face her.
She startled a little bit so I tried to assure her with my eyes that I was safe. I know I am a very large horse and she was small, as most of the humans I encounter are. I could tell she wanted to touch me but still wasn’t sure how to. So I initiated and without taking another step toward her I reached out my neck and tickled her cheek with my soft wiskery nose.
Immediately she smiled and giggled nervously. I kept my nose close to her and took a small step closer as she did the same.
She reached her right hand up to touch my neck and could feel her shift from fear to a childlike desire to hug me. She leaned into my shoulder and I wrapped myself around her letting her know I was safe and not afraid of her.
I began to tell her all the things I sensed and saw, “You are beautiful and strong. You are worthy to be pursued. Your heartbeat up against me brings me peace in a sweet and joyful way. And I love you.”
She held onto me tighter and sobbed. I could feel her pull back a bit as she became self-aware of the other women watching. My heart saddened a bit as she stepped away and put her head down in what looked like unworthiness and shame.
She turned her back toward me to walk away but I was not finished telling her all the things I saw in her so I stepped forward and nudged her with my muzzle. She startled a bit and I could feel and smell the fear come from her. So I lowered my head down to remind her once more that even in my size and large stature, I was safe and gentle. She turned around to fully face me, touched my jaw and I finished telling her with my eyes, “I am proud of you for risking your fear and trusting me.”
With tears in her eyes she rubbed behind my ear and I kinda melted! I breathed on her, which meant, “Thank you for loving me, brave one.”
She looked me in the eyes and smiled and spoke softly, “Thank you, Kairos, for loving me.”
The last couple of weeks I could feel an excitement and anticipation from my keepers on the farm. We do several types of events here and my job is to help people encounter and hear God in new ways. I know this is what I was created to do.
My name is Kairos and I am told that it means “time”. And I know deep from the top of my ears to the bottom of my hoofs, I'm here for those to encounter God at this time!
One morning after me and all of the other horses had been fed and I was turned-out into the front field with my friend, Not, I watched all of the cars start to pull in and park along the front fence. It was from that moment I began watching all of these women begin an adventure I had been excited for since I became aware something was going to happen.
The women worshipped, laughed, talked, and in their quiet times I felt a deep sense of peace among them. I watched them put, what looked like colored water, onto white squares and make beautiful pictures!
My keepers even led me and Not to do this the same thing on a really large square one afternoon! When I got up there to do what I heard them call, “painting”, it was already so beautiful all I could do was breathe in it’s beauty. My friend, Not, did the same thing!
I got to meet each woman as they ventured out to meet us and have an encounter with God in a new way. This is my favorite part! This is where I get to see each woman as God created her. Sometimes they are scared, or too strong, or they stand off alone and heavy. Some are giddy and silly. Some are hardened and carry a deep sadness to them. But whatever they bring I long for them to walk away knowing who they are in a new way.
And that’s where this story began, I watched her from the corner of my eye as she began to approach me… and she became the very thing she hoped for, Unbridled.
***A perspective from an amazing horse, Kairos from a women's retreat I got to participate & teach in. Unbridled. For more information go to www.UnbridledWomensRetreat.com