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Gratitude

Combat

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Combat

I am combat boots.

I am made to war and protect the being that is wearing me.

I am made to stomp, crush and kick anything in my way.

I am powerful and intimidating.

I’ve been around.

I’ve probably seen more hell than many will ever see in their lifetime.

I’ve walked a thousand miles in the pit of despair but I continued on with my purpose and expectations.

I am worn and partially broken but still wearable.

She bought me a few years ago specifically for a purpose. And as she laced me up she told me it was just to wait tables because she was never going to strip again. Anyway, I wasn’t made for the stage. I was made to combat the floor.

I am tall and black and made of strong leather. The laces wind up in front of me to hold me together when I feel like falling apart.

The woman who wears me is beautiful. And there are times I just want to cry over the things vulgar lustful men would speak over her. She would laugh and play along but I could tell when her toes would curl inside of me she was hurting on the inside so deeply she couldn’t breathe.

I’ve been spat on, spilled on, stepped on and kicked. I’ve been thrown and tossed around like no one cares. I’ve been locked in the dark where even if I were able to scream no one could hear me and if they could they wouldn’t care.

I may have a tongue but I am silenced.

I may be strong but I am only as strong as the one who wears me.

Yet I was created to step into combat.

I was created with a purpose of protecting and warring.

She knew this but the enemy had twisted the truth in her so much that she was fighting a battle she thought she could never win.

I tried to protect her from getting stepped on.

I wanted her to know she was worth fighting for.

There was this day she put me away in her closet and shut the door.

I waited for her.

I waited to be pulled down from the shelf for yet another night of walking the floor and trying my best to protect her.

But I was not pulled out.

I sat in the dark.

Each time she opened the closet door there was a part of me that longed to get picked and be worn again even if it was back to the pit of hell. I just wanted to be seen and loved again.

But each time she opened the door I saw something different on her face. She was softer and had this glow about her that I couldn’t explain.

Where she had been numb before there was hope.

Where her eyes had looked dead I saw life.

I would hear her sing a new song as she got ready in the mornings and the songs were beautiful!

Something had changed in her and she was even more stunning than before.

One day she opened the door to her closet and she lifted me up in her hands.

She sat down on her bed and I could feel the struggle in her heart of the memories that I brought to her mind.

She grieved and slow hot tears ran down her face and dripped onto my shiny black surface.

I could tell she was struggling but I wasn’t sure with what.

She set me down on the ground and slid, first her left foot into me then her right foot.

My heart dropped. I didn’t want to go back to that place. I didn’t want her to have to do this again.

She stood up and walked to the full-length mirror and stared at me. I saw the flood of memories run across her face but then something happened I had never witnessed before with her.

A beautiful free smile spread across her face.

She spoke down and directly to me, “You, my friends, are getting a new purpose.”

Her toes curled inside of me but this time it felt different! This time it was with a new found excitement that they curled.

The tears continued down her face but they were those of happiness and restoration.

She stood there and starred and said, “I have a friend who battled and warred like we did together.”

She paused and brushed a tear away with her fingers.

“She was a stripper too and now, like me, she is free.”

She smiled the most beautiful smile as she continued to talk to me.

“We were having lunch one day and she mentioned how she speaks to all kinds of groups and that one of the topics she speaks on she would love to have a pair of combat boots.”

Her toes wiggled inside of me and I got so excited about what I thought she was about to tell me!

“I mentioned that I had a pair that I used to wear in the clubs and asked her what size she wears. You are her size.” She smiled at me.

She contemplated speaking the next part but spoke slowly, “We talked about this several months ago and I’ve been afraid to give you up because I might want to wear you again.”

My heart sank. She knew as much as I did she would never wear me again. She will never walk back into those clubs that nearly took her life. At least that’s what I wanted to believe.

She reached down to untie me and pulled me off slowly one by one. I waited to be set back into the dark closet again but instead she walked me to her car and we drove away in silence.

I am combat boots.

I am made to war and protect the being that is wearing me.

I am made to stomp, crush and kick anything in my way.

I am powerful and intimidating.

Today, I no longer war in a strip club that almost took our lives. We were rescued out of the battlefield and the amazing woman who wore me in the clubs is restored, strong and a warrior!

Today, I get to war on stage showing women and men they are powerful fighters in Christ’s name!

Today, I am worn to remind men and women that our battles are worth fighting and standing for!

We are all warriors.

 

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Yes!

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Yes!

Today, on August 24th, 2010, 6 years ago, I said "Yes" to a God calling, to start a ministry that would change the course of my life & others forever!!!

I'm constantly reminded and amazed what a little three letter word has the power and capability to do in our lives!

Thank You, God, for the continuous opportunities to say "YES!" In so many ways!

And thank You for all of the amazing beautiful Cherished Butterflies You allowed me to meet & get to be a part of in their beautiful journey to truly know You.

Today's "Yes" anniversary is a bittersweet one.

Tears flowed with sadness, deep gratitude & joy. 

God...

You are faithful.

You are a protector.

You are a provider.

You are strength!!!

Here's to many more God calling "Yeses"!!!

What's your "Yes"?

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You Ok?

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You Ok?

You ok?

I haven't seen you or heard from you in a while.

I've heard some things about what's been going on from other people but wanted to ask you directly...

You ok?

I've heard some rumors. 

I've heard some sad things about what you're going through and how much they loved & were praying for you.

I've heard some others say some distorted  things about you & your circumstances, making it sound like they didn't really know or understand in the first place what was going on with you.

So I stopped them in their talking about you & wanted to reach out to you directly.

To check in...

To say, Hey. I love you. You don't have to defend, explain or tell me anything if you don't want to share. I just want you to know I will not listen to others about what they think has happened in your life. I know things may look one way but I know better than to believe what I see before I create thoughts and judgements around those.

I'm pretty sure we all know what it's like for people to think they know all about our circumstances & share it with others & the pain that it causes in us.

I can't imagine how hard it's been for you to walk through so many different changes & the deep pain you must feel.

Loss.

Heartache.

Lack of trust.

And the whole mass of emotions connected to circumstances.

Just remember my friend, you are seen. You are known. You are loved & I believe in you!

Oh. And one more thing, not everyone listens to & entertains rumors. There are some of us that set aside those things and pray and ask directly.

Please know I totally understand if you don't respond to me.

I know it may be hard to trust again but in time you will. God will bring wonderful caring, seeing, loving people around you to remind you of those things.

So I just wanted to reach out for a moment and say hi and that I love you.

Love,

Polly

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Silenced

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Silenced

Shhhhh. Do you hear it?

Pause for a moment. Take a deep breath, lean in  & listen closely.

Do you hear the tears falling?

Do you hear the hearts breaking?

Do you hear the confusion & the anger ringing out from all of humankind?

 

The fear?

 

It's deafening when you really listen.

Everyone yells,

"We can no longer stay silent"

But no one knows how to speak anymore.

Our words get caught in the throats of personal, political & religious agendas.

Our eyes only want to see what our minds have filtered through the ages.

And still. The silence is deafening.

Hate draws on fears to strengthen control & desires for someone else to fix our pains.

When it's been the "someone's" we keep looking to...

That end up causing the most pain.

 

Unity is silenced.

Morality is silenced.

Acceptance is given a distorted voice that opens doors to abuse & even more fear.

 

Our discernments are told to be convinced we are liars & haters and that the only way we can fix things is by people who seem to know better so that they can control us.

But things have not gotten better.

They've gotten worse.

 

Shhhhhh. Do you hear it?

Do you remember what that is?

It's mindfulness & self thought.

Its intelligence & prayer

It's Holy Spirit guiding you to think for yourselves & not be controlled by others.

 

It's love & not hate.

It's truth & not lies.

 

Rage feeds rage.

Hurt feeds anger.

 

And we are all pawns until we say

 

No more.

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Before The Monsters Appear

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Before The Monsters Appear

Oh my goodness it's hard to talk about hard things with people!  Right?! Especially people you love because you don't want to hurt their feelings or you're afraid they may get angry at you, say mean things and maybe even leave you. But I have found that if I don't say the hard things quickly they become monsters anyway!

It's those hard things, that when kept silent, start to creep into our hearts and minds. They make our minds run away with other monster thoughts and create High Avoidance Anxiety. (My new diagnosis)

So here are some thoughts for us people pleaser, co-dependent, talk avoiders out there including everyone in-between.

Things To Think Before You Say The Hard Things

1. It's ok to be angry & hurt. But say the hard things in a manner that honors them & you. Don't create a whole new monster!

2. Don't make the hard thing you have to say bigger than it really is. Stick to the point. In other words don't allow other "remember-that-one-time" monsters to join in the convo.

3. State your hard things with words like, "When this happens I feel....."

As opposed too, "What the "bleep" were you thinking!?!?"

Hear the difference? (Please tell me you hear the difference.)

4. If you've been the one to hurt someone by lying, saying things behind their back, not caring for their hearts well and on & on & on...(this might be hard) but GO TO THEM! Tell them what you did before they have to approach you! (Scary. I know. But you got this!) Don't let them carry your hard stuff because it's yours to own not theirs! 

5. Apologize. And mean it. Then listen to them. Seriously...this is the place you will normally want to run away screaming, but don't! Stay put! And truly listen! You can do it!!!

6. Here's the trickiest one... While you're listening...be very attentive to what they are saying. Look inside your own soul and try to feel what they are feeling. Then say back to them what you understand. This can make you very squirmy because you are opening up a level of vulnerability you may have never tapped into before. GOOD JOB! Your vulnerability tells them that they matter to you. 

7. Take responsibility. Own it. Put into words your choices and actions without even the tiniest hint that you might blame them for what you've done. 

8. What you do and the ways you speak after this matter. Words are just words. And words without follow through  create disappointment. 

I'm pretty sure if you start doing these 8 things you are now a RECOVERING people pleaser, co-dependent, talk avoider and everyone in-between.

Monsters are much harder to tame once they're out of their cages. Catch em' when they're small. Lock them up. And don't feed them! 

 By: Polly Wright

Help everyone get rid of the monsters by sharing!!!

Thanks!!!! 

Thoughts? Comments? Email me: Polly@PollyWright.com

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His Love Abounds

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His Love Abounds

Happy New Year Cherished Friends!!

 

The favor of the Lord reaches deep, far and wide. In all our struggles, temptations, failures, successes & dreams gained/lost...His Spirit longs to fill us with more of His presence.

 

His mercies are new

His grace abounds

His hope penetrates

His love consumes

His joy fills our souls

His love reaches into places that pulls us in or separates us

Yet His allowance for our choices will always refine us

 

A new year helps us reflect, celebrate, cry, hope and recognize His miracles all around us.

 

May He overwhelm you with His captivating peace today and all the days to come.

I pray He settles your fears while you journey through refining.

May fear never overtake you

 

And most importantly

You are not too much for Him.

Give Him all you got!

He never disappoints

 

Happy New Year!

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I Made It! (Mostly)

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I Made It! (Mostly)

I was going to write a blog

'Bout how I can't wait for a new year

I was going to talk about hard things

But got trapped in some fear.

 

Instead I looked for a photo

To show how I mostly survived

Still mending broken bones & heart

But dang it! I'm alive!

 

I'm looking forward to 2016

But not blind to think all's new

Just mindful of a perception of starting over

And God's projecting a new view

 

A view of new beginnings

Marked by a brand new year

Some bones my still be broken

But I am stepping out of fear!

 

Happy New Year Cherished Ones!

Love Extravagantly,

Polly

PollyWright.com

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Lights On!

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Lights On!

 Lights Out

First the lights just flickered a bit. You know, where you hold your breath in anticipation and wait to see what happens. Then BOOM, a few seconds later all the lights went out, and stayed out.

It was 11:30pm and I still wasn’t asleep. I grabbed my phone and turned on its flashlight then cautiously walkedinto the living room. My daughters were not home so the quiet was deafening. I grabbed a lighter and lit a few candles to have some light that was not the blindingflashlight from my phone.

I peeked through the blinds and looked to see that the whole apartment complex was dark. Come to find out it was a huge outage that left 1027 people without powerbecause of equipment failure.

I looked at my phone to see the battery life low and decidedto head to my car to charge it bit just in case I needed it for an emergency. I grabbed my dog, Cowboy, clipped on his leash and headed to my car. Once settled in with phonechargingmy curiosity started to rise. So I put my car in drive and drove around to scope out who else had lost power. I stayed on the back streets due to all of the traffic lights being out because a car accident wouldso not be cool.

Every house and apartment complex werepitch dark.

With my curiosity satisfied I headed back to my parking spot to sit just a bit longer to get a little more charge before going back in to try to sleep.

I saw a flicker from a lighter across the way on someone’s balcony and watched a person light a cigarette. My mind quickly remembered the candles that were in my house still lit. (I know I shouldn’t have left them lit but in my defense they are in protective hurricanes and I NEVER leave them lit when I leave my house.) 

FLASHBACK A WEEK AGO

I have been wrestling for as long as I can remember with a voice that tells me I’m not good enough. I’m the bad guy. I will never be strong enough to care for myself. I’m a quitter. I’m too much. I’m not enough. It tells me I’m not worth fighting for no matter what I do. I can’t complete anything. I’m not chosen.

This voice has and is almost always present speaking words over me that I want to believe are lies but when coupled with anxiety and worry even with my true constraints those words penetrate deeper into my heart and my beliefs. I doubt my worth and myself.

This past week several events took place and the voice became stronger and clearer. Almost swallowing me to have me believe that what God has called me too do wasn’treally His calling for me and I needed to step away.

It was crushing me.

It was darkness.

These past several weeks I’ve been seeking and asking God many questions about who He created me to be. What hasHe truly created me to do? And is that voice someone else’s voice or me?

I kept hearing that it was I. It was I telling me all those horrible drowning lies.

And I asked God to take them away. To remove the voices that silences the truth. And He said I had to hand over the lies to Him. So I did, after hanging tightly to them for many moments, afraid. I handed Him shame, fear, despair, unworthiness and all the others that were consuming me. Each one that I handed Him burned up before me in His presence!

In its place He filled me with His spirit like I had never seen before! It was beautiful, bright and magnificent! I was quite surprised by this so I asked Him, “Lord, I have been saved and thought I received Your Spirit.”He said,“You have but Iam strengthening you more with My love!”

He has shown me so much from my past and present and how He’s protected me in ways I couldn’t see until I asked Him. Yet I was still very frustrated at the voice that was tearing me down that we had commanded to leave in Hisname. And I was allowing it to still tell me those things. I was confused at how I thought I was doing better and was stunned at how a few events made it feel like I was being tackled.

LIGHTS OUT

The spark from the cigarette lighter got me thinking about how many people had lit candles to give them light in the darkness. I began to worry about people falling asleep with lit candles and open flames and thought, I need to pray for protection.

So I started to pray…

Out loud.

“God, please protect all the people….”

LIGHTS ON

LIGHTS! The lights started popping on all over the complex! The electricity was back on!

I sat there in my running car with my mouth hanging open.

What just happened God?

He said, “You were praying for protection in the darkness so I turned the lights on.”

I laughed out loud with joy!

I FELT it! I SAW it!!!

I felt hope! I watched the power of God through prayer come alive!

I was in the dark grasping for light in the dark places and in a moment He reminded me that I am in His powerful light! That no weapon formed against me will prosper! And thevoice that had been pounding me with self-doubt is terrified of what God has put in me and wants to silence me. It almost succeeded. BUT GOD!!!

God said, “Let go of my girl! She’s mine! My daughter! My princess! My warrior! She has hope! She has faith! She has My Spirit in her that is strong and loves extravagantly!”

I woke up this morning with hope. I woke up not hearing the voice of doubt but the voice of Him calling me forth to Him!

I am not a slave to shame, fear and unworthiness.

I am free in Him and full of His loving powerful spirit!

YOU ARE TOO!!!

You are His!

You are His warriors!

He is there fighting for you!

I still had to choose to let go of the fears and crippling unworthiness. I had to hand it over to Him for me to receive more of Him. I had to step out in faith and trust Him. I had to ask Him questions and seek His answers.

I GET to be His daughter and warrior.

Beloved, He’s got you. You are worth fighting for. He will never leave or forsake you.

And even if you pray from what feels like darkness, His Light is there to be turned on brighter than you’ve ever seen before.

Pray out loud!

*Blog written June 22nd 2015  

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Gratitude Through Grieving

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Gratitude Through Grieving

Gratitude grasped through grieving pulls deep from the core of my heart.

It's been difficult to get out of the pain this time. It has come in different waves and several of them have knocked me over.

Like most people I portray this strong vulnerable happy woman, on social media. I portray her because I want everyone to know anyone can make it. Except how can I be a voice to the "You got this!" crowd if no one knows..."Dang it! I don't got this!"

The fear is massive.

The heartbroken pain is nothing I've ever experienced. 

The betrayal.

The questions.

The choices (mine & others).

The loss.

Are all waves that surround and swarm me.

Then gratitude peeks through the frothy waves and for a moment Gods voice is clear.

He sings to me.

He holds me.

He calls to me, "Daughter...I won't let you drown. I want you to grieve. I need you to mourn the losses. I desire for every part of your heart to ache...and in that ache...long for Me, cherished one."

Grief is a temporary emotion to the grace He offers us.

I will choose to be grateful for the... what was, the what is and what is to come.

His extravagant love.

"After you have suffered for little while, the God of all grace, who called you to His eternal glory in Christ, will Himself perfect, confirm, strengthen and establish you."

1 Peter 5:10

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